We Never Got A Chance
by Wounded Shell Of Myself
Summary: After Misa tricks Higuchi into admitting he's Kira, Light's lack of praise only makes her depressed. However, it isn't until she gets an unexpected visit from a quirky detective that she really rethinks their relationship. *Lemon and spoilers.*


_DISCLAIMER: "Death Note" is the sole property of Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata._

WARNING: This fic contains a very graphic lemon, so if you are easily offended, click the back arrow now. For all the rest of you, pull your hands out of your pants you pervy pervs :-P

This is my first lemon, so I hope you guys enjoy it. There will be more LxMisa fics from me in future, when I get around to writing them. If I don't, you guys can just throw tomatoes at my school, since it is the reason I never get to write.

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We Never Got A Chance

Misa still could not believe that it happened. It was the last week of October, in the year 2004. She had been under surveillance for suspicion of being the second Kira for quite some time, though at the time she was not sure why. She had no memories of killing anyone. Sure, she was grateful that Kira had killed her parents' murderer, but had she acted as Kira herself? Of course not. Yet, standing before her was a tall, white shinigami that told her otherwise. Misa normally would not have believed it, but since the shinigami (Rem was her name) seemed to know everything about her, she figured she must be telling the truth.

The shinigami also told Misa who was acting as Kira in the mean time. Kyosuke Higuchi. The disgusting man who worked for the Yotsuba company. Misa found him to be the most disgusting of all, since he was sleazy, money-hungry, and arrogant. Just the mere thought of getting into his car creeped her out, but she knew she had to do it. Nor did she regret it, because she provided the NPA with proof that Higuchi was acting as Kira. _Maybe now Light will love me, _she thought hopefully. After all, she did put her safety on the line for such proof. How could Light not love her?

She sat in her room pondering that question. Light only got mad at her for pulling such a risky move. _Doesn't he realize I did it for him? So that Kira can be caught and he can regain his Death Note and the memories that come with it?_ Misa continued to pout. She sat in front of her dresser, still clad in the nurse's outfit she wore to sneak away from Mogi. Her sad eyes met the mirror, as she thought, _why must this be the real me?_ The happy, bubbly smile she flashed for the cameras and her fans was so fake; she figured if she could convince everyone around her that she had it all, maybe she could convince herself. _Who am I kidding? Light doesn't love me. He just used me because my power somehow surpassed his own._

Misa dabbed some make-up remover on a tissue and wiped off the streams of mascara and eyeliner that traveled down her cheeks. Next she removed her foundation, her blush, and finally, her lipstick. She continued to stare in the mirror. Even without her make up she was beautiful—however without she could not mask the depression she secretly felt deep inside. _Why must everyone I love either die or not love me back?_

It was then that Misa noticed in her mirror a figure standing in her doorway. "Light," she said sadly, swallowing and taking a deep breath. "Light, we need to talk."

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid you've got the wrong person," said the figure. Misa's heart dropped when she turned around. It was just Ryuzaki.

"What are you doing in my room?" Misa asked him, stiffening her posture. "Can you please go get Light, I really need to speak to him."

"Misa, I wanted to commend you for a job well done tonight," Ryuzaki began.

"I don't care, just go get—" Misa began to shout before Ryuzaki's words registered in her mind. "Wait, what?"

"Misa, though jumping into Higuchi's car, getting him to admit to being Kira, and then convincing him to stop murdering criminals was quite dangerous and risky, I must say I am quite impressed," Ryuzaki continued.

"Oh, it was nothing," Misa responded, putting on her fake, happy smile once again. "I just wanted to do what I could to clear my Light from suspicion."

"Regardless of the motive, you gave us a great lead. The investigation can now move forward thanks to your bold move."

"Oh, it wasn't _that_ bold," Misa replied. "But I can't do anything like that again, I don't want to worry my Light anymore."

"Well, thank you, Misa. You did well," Ryuzaki said. "Good night, Miss Amane," he continued, as he turned to walk out of her room.

"Good night, Ryuzaki," said Misa, waving as Ryuzaki left the room. She then turned back to her mirror and sighed. _Well that was weird._ Suddenly, a thought hit her. _I gotta make sure Ryuzaki sends Light up!_ She bolted out of her seat and called through her door (since she was locked inside). "RYUZAKI!"

Within thirty seconds Ryuzaki was back. "What do you need, Misa?" he asked after he opened her door.

"I do need you to send Light up, please," she said. "I need to talk to him." That was when it hit her. Light was going to come up to her room and scold her for interrupting him.

Ryuzaki must have sensed the pain in her face, for he immediately asked, "Misa, is everything OK?"

"Oh, it's fine," she began. "I just, uh, I miss him." She forced a smile on her face best she could. But she knew Ryuzaki could see right through her.

"Misa, what's wrong?" Ryuzaki asked, with a hint of concern in his voice. It was then that Misa broke down. Ryuzaki took her by the shoulder and gently set her down on her bed, before closing the door behind them. He took a seat next to her, sitting in his trademark position.

"I'm so tired of doing all this stuff for Light, only to have him not love me back! I cook for him, I rub his back when he's stressed, I put my life on the line to clear his name! But he just treats me as coldly as ever and I'm so sick of it!" By now Misa was sobbing. Ryuzaki just had this confused look on his face, as if he did not know what to do or say. He was not used to dealing with a whole lot of emotion, whether it be his own or of those around him.

"I'm sorry Misa," was all he could say. "I'm afraid I don't have any experience in this field, and therefore have no advice to offer." Misa could only smile at his confusion. She had to admit, it was slightly cute.

"It's OK," Misa said, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "I mainly just needed to get it off my chest."

"Well if all you needed was for someone to listen, then I guess I was of some help after all," Ryuzaki said with a smirk.

"You are sweeter than you let on," Misa said, smiling at him. "You just have to control your emotions so you can stay objective with your cases." Ryuzaki was a bit taken aback by her insight. Not because she was wrong, but because he did not think she was that intelligent. But then again, she had already proven that she was smarter than she looked just a few hours before.

"That is correct, Misa," said Ryuzaki. "You are full of surprises tonight," he continued with a smirk. Misa just laughed and without thinking about it, kissed him smack on the lips. She pulled back swiftly, and noticed his face was as red as hers.

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki," she said. "I don't know where that came from." Ryuzaki could only look down at his feet, confused about the whole situation.

"I guess I should go get Light now," L said quietly, still staring at his feet. Misa's heart dropped again.

"I don't want to talk to Light anymore," Misa said, leaning over to him. She cupped his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. What was wrong with her? Not two hours ago she was showing her evidence to the task force and gleefully anticipating the praise and love Light would give to her. Now, she was kissing Ryuzaki. _What is going on? Why do I feel so drawn to him?_

"I'm sorry, Misa, I must be going now," said Ryuzaki as he started to get up. Misa's heart started racing once more.

"Ryuzaki, please don't go," Misa blurted out. Ryuzaki turned around and looked at her. Something was different about her. Something good. Something genuine.

Ryuzaki leaned down towards her, pressing his lips on hers as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. It was a move that even surprised himself, but nonetheless, he did it. He slid his arms around her waist as he lowered her onto the bed. He slid his tongue over her lips before she opened them, granting him access. He had never kissed a girl before, but gauging by the way she moaned into his mouth when their tongues danced together, he figured he was doing well. Probably a result of all the cherry stems he tied with his tongue.

Misa loved the way he tasted in her mouth—just as she had suspected, he tasted like sugar and chocolate. Their was so much warmth, so much passion in his kiss, it was like something she never experienced before. Light's kisses were cold and forced, but Ryuzaki's were the exact opposite. Misa felt her lower abdomen tighten up as the kiss grew more heated and passionate. Her hands left his shoulders and traveled down further to his back, until they reached the hem of his shirt. He broke the kiss as he got up, allowing her to slide it over his head.

Misa observed the shirtless man on top of her: his skin was very pale, but he was not as scrawny as she had imagined. He was not muscular or anything, but he was not scrawny. His shoulders were quite broad, and Misa loved the way they felt underneath her fingertips. Her hands traveled down his shoulders and onto his chest, which although was not very muscular, felt very solid and strong.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ryuzaki asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him and grinned.

"I do," she said dreamily.

"To be honest, I've never done this before, so you must bear with me–" Ryuzaki began, but was interrupted when Misa sprang another kiss on him.

"I want you Ryuzaki," said Misa after she broke the kiss. "You deserve what is about to happen to us." She smiled as Ryuzaki leaned down and kissed her again. His hands traveled from her shoulders, caressing her curves, down her back, and then shot back up to her upper back, until they finally reached the zipper on the nurse's dress. He pulled it down slowly, wanting to bask in the moment. Misa wiggled out of the dress, revealing black lacy panties and a bra to match. Ryuzaki just stared at her almost-naked body, with his thumb on his lips and eyes wide like a deer in the head lights.

"Earth to Ryuzaki!" Misa waved playfully, breaking him out of his trance. He looked up at her nervously, thumb still on his lip. Misa continued to giggle. "I hate to imagine how you'll look when these come off," she teased. Ryuzaki felt himself harden at this suggestion.

"I'm sorry, Misa, I'm a bit nervous," he said, continuing to scan his eyes over Misa's voluptuous body. Misa only smiled. Light never responded to her sexual advances.

"It's OK, Ryuzaki," she said, leaning onto him. "I'm actually new to this too."

"You are?" he asked with surprise in his voice as Misa began to suckling on his neck. Misa stopped and looked up at him.

"What, do you think I'm some kind of slut?" she asked jokingly, but with a hint of offense in her voice.

"No, I just figured that you and Light had been together already," he said tonelessly.

"Well, I was saving myself for him," said Misa, sitting on her knees and looking at him. "But I want to give myself to you now." She smiled, then leaned forward and continued kissing his neck. Ryuzaki closed his eyes in pleasure has he felt her lips and tongue travel up and down, while her hands fumbled with his pants. Finally they were unzipped and unbuttoned, and she slid them down his long, lanky legs and dropped them on the floor. She could feel his length hardening underneath the black fabric that made up his boxers as she continued to straddle him.

Ryuzaki felt on edge. Misa was playing him like an instrument, and it would only be a matter of time before one of the strings snapped. He was not sure how much longer he could contain himself. Perhaps it was his turn to pleasure her. When her lips left his neck and met with his once more, he moved his hands to her back to undo her bra clasp. It took him a second to figure out the layout of the contraption, but it was not long before it was undone, and the black lacy bra fell to the bed, revealing soft, perky breasts. Ryuzaki lowered his head, taking one of her breasts into his mouth. She gasped at the contact, feeling new goosebumps form all over her skin.

Ryuzaki continued to kiss her breast, moving his mouth all around it so as not to miss a millimeter of skin. When he finally made it to her nipple, he noticed Misa's breath hitch with pleasure. He continued to lap at it, like he would a lollipop or popsicle. Misa's arms by now were wrapped around his head, shaking with pleasure. Ryuzaki noticed her panties were starting to grow damp, as little whimpers emerged from her mouth. She was thoroughly enjoying what he was doing to her, and he liked the feeling of being the cause of such enjoyment.

After Ryuzaki moved onto the other breast and lapped at it for a few minutes, Misa felt ready to explode. Her feminine area was very hot and very moist, and she was shaking all over. She never imagined Ryuzaki could ever turn her on so much. Misa knew for sure that she could never be with Light after this; there was no way he could match Ryuzaki's techniques. He could never make her feel the way she was feeling at the moment. Even if this affair was just a one-night fling, Misa knew Light would just be a disappointment for the rest of her life. Sure, she loved him, but she knew they could never be together. She was just his tool, and nothing more. To Ryuzaki, she was a lady.

After Ryuzaki finished kissing her breasts, he looked up at Misa and smiled. She looked so flushed and so pleasured, he was not sure how much longer she could contain herself. He wanted to drag out the foreplay as long as possible, to live in the moment, but he was sure it would probably not last much longer. He quickly reached down and pulled Misa's panties down, discarding them on the floor. He could feel her heat against his skin, which made him all the more eager. Misa then reached down to his waist and pulled his boxers off, and made them join the rest of the clothing on the floor.

Misa looked down at Ryuzaki's genitals with a hungry look in her eye. Though the skin, like the rest of his body, was extremely pale, it looked inviting. His length was perfectly shaped—not too thick or too small, no strange folds or anything. It stood up straight in anticipation, ready for what the night was to bring. Misa leaned down and pressed her lips against the tip. Ryuzaki flinched at the contact, his heart racing at two hundred miles an hour. Misa wrapped one hand around his shaft and used the other to gently stoke his testicles. Ryuzaki continued to squirm in pleasure as Misa tenderly sucked on his length, moving back an forth between the head and the shaft. Not only did it feel incredibly good to Ryuzaki, but he liked how tasteful it was. It was not a dirty, pornographic blow job—Misa was very gentle and passionate with the way she did it.

When Ryuzaki felt like he could take no more, he pulled Misa's head up from his crotch and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he once again lowered her onto the bed. She spread out her legs as he positioned himself over her.

"I've heard that this is quite painful the first time," Ryuzaki warned Misa.

"I'm ready," Misa whispered. Ryuzaki slowly entered her, causing her to gasp lightly. He thrust in and out, slowly, trying to break the barrier of skin between them. It surprised Ryuzaki to learn that Misa was a virgin, because he figured someone as beautiful as she was would have a little experience in the field of sex. He never thought she was a tramp or anything, he just figured that she had slept with previous boyfriends.

After a few small thrusts, Ryuzaki busted through the skin, causing Misa to squeak in pain. He pulled out of her immediately as tears fell down her cheek.

"Are you OK, Misa?" he asked, using his thumb to wipe up her tears.

"It just—really—hurt," Misa said in short breaths. "I'll be OK in a minute." Ryuzaki lovingly kissed her eyes, then moved down to her lips.

"I'm not ready to continue until you are," he said after he broke the kiss. Misa just smiled at him as she took a deep breath.

"I'm ready," she said quietly. Ryuzaki kissed her lovingly, then repositioned himself over her. He slowly re-entered, causing her to gasp once more. He began to thrust as slowly and gently as he could, so Misa could get used to the sensation. He could tell the pain was lessening by her facial expressions, but he would not speed up until she was ready.

"How are you feeling, Misa?" Ryuzaki asked as he continued to thrust into Misa, slowly enough that he could get his question out in one breath.

"It still hurts a little," she gasped out. "But keep going." Ryuzaki kissed her forehead as he pumped into her, then out. He liked the sensation of being inside of her. The hot, damp folds that tightly encircled his length made him feel a sense of security and closeness. No, he did not love Misa (though he was not against loving her in the future, he just thought it was a little too early to start throwing the "love" word around) but he really cared about her. While he was completely sure she was the second Kira, there was a part of him that did not want to believe it. He felt that perhaps there was a good Misa in there somewhere, but she was being held captive by a cold, murderous killer. Perhaps making love to her would bring that out, and she would cease to act as Kira. _No, it would take a lot more than one night of sex to completely turn an avid Kira supporter to the other side,_ he thought.

Misa could only gasp at the feeling of Ryuzaki being inside of her. As time passed, the pain began to subside and all she could feel was the pleasure he was giving to her. She gasped even harder every time he hit her clitoris, sending shattering pulses all through her body. She could not believe it. Just a couple of nights ago she merely kissed him on the cheek, but shuddered at the thought of anything more. Yet now she was lying with him on top of her, the two sharing their most intimate moment in an experience they would never forget. Misa looked up at Ryuzaki with her pleasure-gazed eyes as he continued to pump softly into her. She could tell her really cared about her, from his body language and the look in his eyes. Light never projected such feelings toward her.

_No, it's too early to love him,_ Misa thought. _I jumped on the "love" word right away with Light, and look where it landed me. Heartbroken and sleeping with his enemy._ Misa pulled Ryuzaki down into another kiss, pausing his thrusting. Regardless of how many times they kissed, it sent shivers up her spine. More so than she ever got from Light. _OK, so he's much better than Light...and sweeter... _Misa continued to kiss Ryuzaki, caressing his tongue with her own. _Maybe with some time..._

Ryuzaki then wrapped his arms around her thighs as he began to speed up. Misa's breath hitched again at the change of pace, welcoming it greatly. Her head began to spin as he pounded in and out of her. "Misa—let me—know—if this—gets too—rough," he said in between thrusts. Misa could only smile.

"No—this is—fine," she squeaked out, as she began to rock her hips up into him. Misa felt adrenaline rush through her veins, as if she were on the world's fastest roller coaster. Her heart was beating at a hundred miles an hour, and her breathing only got deeper and deeper.

Ryuzaki felt goosebumps begin to form on his skin, just as they had on Misa's while he was sucking her breasts. He felt completely light-headed, and had begun to tremble from the pleasure. After about ten minutes of the two thrusting into each other, Ryuzaki felt the final blow. He could have sworn he almost saw stars as he emptied his seed into Misa. His entire body locked and his breathing ceased during this climax. The feeling of Ryuzaki's sperm entering into Misa sent her over the edge, for she released soon after. Her head continued to spin even faster, making her feel the ultimate disoriented pleasure, as tears began to stream down her face. She took a deep breath as he collapsed onto her, shaking from the mind-blowing orgasm. She was a little shaky herself, she noticed, as she wrapped her arm around Ryuzaki's shoulders. She kissed his forehead delicately.

"That was incredible," she said quietly, running her fingers through his hair as he rested his head on her chest.

"Congratulations, Misa, you've broken down the ultimate barrier to get to me," he said tonelessly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked with hurt in her voice. Ryuzaki looked up at her.

"We just shared the most intimate moment of our lives with each other," he began. "We showed each other our vulnerability. Nobody has ever been able to do that to me, not even Watari."

"Is that a good thing?" Misa asked, still unsure of where he was going with this.

"I'm 75% sure that it is," he responded. Misa could only grin at his silly calculations.

"But why only 75%?" she asked.

"Well," Ryuzaki began, "as you know, you are still suspected of being the second Kira, and if you are the second Kira, you could easily kill me now that you have seen me in my most vulnerable state." Misa could only scoff at this. They just made love, and here he was accusing her of being the second Kira again!

"But," he continued, "something tells me that I'm safe." He put his hand on her cheek and looked into her eyes. "Call me crazy, Misa, but I think there is more to you than what everybody sees." Misa grinned and pulled him into another kiss. When they separated, he put his hands on her shoulders. "I care about you, Misa. And I think with time I will be able to trust you. Even if you are the Second Kira."

_Is he trying to get me to confess?_ Misa could not help but wonder. But something in his eyes told her that he was sincere. Still, she decided it was best to not reveal anything. Plus, how convincing would it be if she told him that she did not remember killing thousands of criminals? Maybe in time she would tell him, if he proved he really loved her regardless, just so that there would be no secrets between them. But now was not the time.

"Ryuzaki, I want to be with you," she said. "I don't want to date Light anymore, I want to give things between us a try. And I know it's not just because of the heat of the moment." Ryuzaki just smirked.

"I don't see anything wrong with that," he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Just as long as we take it slow because I went too fast with Light and got hurt," she said. Ryuzaki continued to smile at her.

"You've grown up quite a bit, Misa," he said simply. Misa just stuck her tongue out at him.

"Well now it's your turn," she said jokingly. Ryuzaki leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. When they broke, he laid he head down on her chest as she enveloped him into her arms. For the first time in ages, he felt like he could use a nap. But then again, sexual activities are notorious for draining energy out of their participants.

"Goodnight, Misa," he said. Misa was a little shocked to see him ready to fall asleep, but she figured that even the insomniac Ryuzaki would be tired after sex.

"Good night, Ryuzaki," she said. He picked his head up and kissed her lips.

"I am L," he whispered before pulling her into another kiss. He then laid his head back down and began to doze. Misa just smiled down at him.

"Good night, L."

********

It was now early July. The Kira case was still dragging on, however Misa had nothing to do with it. She had broken up with Light after her encounter with L, and to her surprise, he did not kill her. She figured it was because she did not remember the two of them acting as Kira, so she was no threat to him. Even though she did have a piece of information that could have destroyed him—Misa had touched the notebook attached to the other shinigami, Ryuk, and had overheard him and Light talking about a recent deal between the two. Light would give Ryuk a hundred apples (why apples were involved Misa did not know) to kill a couple of people for him. Unfortunately, there was no way to prove that Light was behind the killings; what Misa heard was mere heresay and unless Ryuk confessed (which he never would), Light would get away with it. There was nothing Misa could do...

Misa walked through the Tokyo Cemetery, the one place she visited almost everyday since November. But this visit was different, for she had a guest with her. She knelt over her departed lover's grave with a tiny bundle in her arms. She looked over the smooth granite of the headstone, which held a shiny silver cross on top of it. She read the words on it that would haunt her for the rest of her life: "L Lawliet. October 31, 1979 – November 5, 2004." Now that he was dead, it was safe for his name to be on his headstone. Just as long as Light continued to act as L and the world was convinced the great detective was still alive.

Misa sighed as began to speak. "L, this is our daughter, Rem," she said sadly, referring to the tiny bundle in her arms. She looked down at the baby, who was not even a week old. Misa began to sob as she looked into Rem's deep cobalt eyes. _She looks just like him._ Rem just stared at her mother as she continued to cry. She had no clue why. She was too young to know that her father had died just a week after her conception, and that her mother had never had a chance to develop a deep relationship with him. She did not know about Kira, or that while he did bring her parents together, he also tore them apart.

Misa ran a hand through Rem's wisp of black hair and kissed her forehead. She then looked at L's grave again. "What I wouldn't do to have you back," she whispered. "We never even got a chance."

********

L sat in a dark, dreary place that he had learned was Mu, or Nothingness. There was no Heaven or Hell, no rewards for the just and punishment for evil. Everyone just went into this black abyss for the rest of eternity, regardless of their behavior in life. Everyone, good or evil, just or unjust, just sat around the realm watching over their living loved ones. There was nothing better to do. There were no ups in the afterlife, but there were no downs either. All there was was boredom...and a realm for the shinigamis.

L sat at a portal that allowed him to look down on different worlds. He sat there everyday, watching over Misa. Occasionally, he would peek in on Whammy's House to check on his successors, but most of his attention went to his family that he never got to be with. He saw Misa at his grave, soaking the grass with her sobs while she held their infant daughter. _She looks just like me,_ he thought, looking down at Rem. He knew that would kill Misa, to look her everyday and only see him. Yes, she would love her with all her heart, L was sure of this, but there would always be an underlying sadness.

L loved Misa. He had watched her everyday for nine months, and he knew that if he were still alive they would have had something special. Nine months ago it was too early to use the word "love." Perhaps it was still a little too early. But he knew what he felt. Everyday he would watch her, wishing that he could hold her in his arms. During Rem's birth it pained him that he was not next to her, holding her hand (though he knew she would probably squeeze it to death while blaming him for "doing this to her"). Now he wished he could go back to Earth and be with his two girls and live the life that he, the great L, never imagined he would live.

But he could not live that life. He could not even live it in his afterlife. L was not sure what was worse: the fact that he could not be with Misa and their daughter, or that when their times finally came that they would all be reunited in this boring, black abyss. For the first time in forever, L felt a hot tear stream down his face.

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Thank you for reading, I hope this was good. Please review. Flames are welcome, I need something to roast my marshmallows on. :-)

Much thanks to Sashocirrione for pointing out a plot hole in this story so that I could fix it!


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